Friday, September 16, 2005

I had a hernia scare a few weeks ago, and today was the day of my hospital appointment:- 2.30 with a doctor...I think the name was Sarawakand...or something like that. Well, it was a name that conjoured up an image of an elderly Indina doctor, probably with a turban.
I was shown into a consulting room. As I sat there, alone, I noticed a pair of surgical gloves and a tube of KY jelly on the table. My toes started to curl. Then in walked the doctor.
Well, she was about 26 years old, had long blond hair, deep blue eyes and a smile. She was in all ways possible, gorgeous.
After a few initial questians, came the imortal words, "Drop your trousers then, lets have a feel! Oh, I'll just get a chaperone." So there I am, with my trousers half way down my legs when back she comes with another nurse....do you remember Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? Well, she must live near here now.
So there I am, lying on my back as she starts feeling me with a very probing, poking around sort of finger as I lie back and think of England. Good job I had clean underware on. Then she asks me, "Are there any lumps on your testicles?" "How romantic," thought I. So, she starts treating them like coconuts in a sack as the sweat starts to pour from my brow. Eventually, its all over and she tells me to dress.
"Do you smoke?" she asks.
"No," I answer.
"Drink?"
"Are you asking me out?" I reply, "Only, we've only just met." I reply.

Anyway, thankfully, it turns out that there's nothing wrong with me, although I can now understand why some people develop Munchausen's syndrome.